Every Easter (or Velikonoce), I meditate a bit on gender. In CZ, the Easter Monday tradition has boys and men braiding a “whip” from willow branches (called a pomlázka, every woman’s favorite sight), decorating it with colorful ribbons, and then walking in groups from house to house (in villages) or to the houses of their close friends and family (in small towns). They sing a poem asking for decorated hard-boiled eggs while “whipping” (there is truly no good way to translate this in English) the women on their butts, which is, according to tradition, a way of wishing them health, youth, beauty, what have you.

As the linked article says, I’m pretty sure a man came up with that.

But truly, every culture has different ideas and practices about what it means to be manly…

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Czech men during Easter: whip women on butt, get eggs

It’s because of tradition… right.

American men during Easter: put on costume, win the respect of every child you know

Don’t forget that glorious period of Santa costumes, either.

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Czech men in the garden: Hard at work every weekend

I apologize, as this is literally the only authentic photo I could find.

I have written before about the gardening prowess of Czechs, here, here and here. But it’s a place that men and women alike enjoy spending their free time because their house and garden is a real investment that is a source of personal pride as well as fruits, veggies and herbs! And from the men I know, there is always more work to be done.

American men in the garden: Mow the lawn only when their wives yell at them

Respect for this guy multitasking garden work and family time, making lemonade out of lemons. He looks like a better husband than most!

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How Czech men “grocery shop”: Harvest food in bulk from their garden

Philosophy? Grow it, it’s cheaper, you store it year-round.

However, I have heard that when an actual grocery store is necessary, many Czechs could win at competitive couponing / getting the best bank for their buck.

How American men grocery shop: Buy food in bulk from Costco

Philosophy? Going to Costco a couple times a month should ensure we don’t starve.

Shamefully, Americans lead the world in food waste. Speaking of which…

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How American men stuff their faces: Compete in a hot dog-eating contest

Joey Chestnut, a Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Champion, via NY Daily News

Legend says this contest started in 1916, which means it turned 100 last year. Chestnut set a record for 69 hot dogs eaten in 10 minutes in 2013, was beasted by Matt Stonie in 2015, then set a new record for 73.5 hot dogs in 2016. A true and beautiful American tradition.

How Czech men stuff their faces: Compete in a plum dumplings-eating contest

Via IDnes and Bruntálský a krnovský deník, respectively

Just as Americans compete with the national food of hot dogs, so do Czechs with their plum dumplings. Babička-approved, through and through.

Extra points, I assume, if you do it while wearing a hat with a popular beer brand on it.

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American men’s drink of choice: Beer, wine, and whiskey

Via Black Enterprise and AWC Fine Wine, respectively

On two different sides of the manliness spectrum, men enjoy beer while at a sports bar, and a man attempts to set a world record for pretentiousness with his nose extended farthest into a glass of admittedly attractive red wine.

Via MensXP, Huffington Post Australia, and Papijones, respectively

Meanwhile, other suit-wearing men display their classiness by taking whiskey on the rocks. Cigar optional.

Czech men’s drink of choice: Beer and Slivovice

From Blesk; Obchod s darky

Czechia’s president Miloš Zeman toasts with beer; “Save water, drink beer!”

While you can’t say American men don’t enjoy their beer, any Czech man off the street could crush them. They are session-beer drinking champions. Sorry hipsters.

And as far as Slivovice goes, at least according to Moravians, not all manly Czech men will survive it either.

In Bohemia: loud laughter – I love everyone – loud crying – time to call my friends – I start to speak foreign languages – exotic dancing – I’m very rich – I’m chill – I’m chill – hospital

In Moravia: loud laughter – I love everyone – next bottle

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Manly American sports: Baseball and American football

Need something even manlier? Join the WWE

Genuinely no idea what’s happening in this picture. But it looks manly.

Manly Czech sports: Hockey

Damn that’s gotta sting.

Plus you won’t be able to stop watching this Slovak player slamming a Russian player:

Slavic birds of a feather do not necessarily stick together when it involves hockey sticks and national pride.

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How the typical American male stays fit: Competitive couch potato-ing

George Costanza from Seinfeld, the famous show about nothing

How the typical Czech male stays fit: Go biking… and stop every once in a while for beer

I don’t know how they manage to get back on their bikes so fast, but somehow they do. It’s very impressive.

Who’s more manly, Czechs or Americans?